I’d like to start a new segment here called “Why is this” that takes time to point out certain things and wonder why they exist. This should be a reoccurring article if people keep making stupid stuff that won’t go away.

Sauron takes flight

When it comes to Super Villains there are few who actively exist in comics and yet provide so little reason for existing. Today we are going to look at Marvel Comic’s Sauron. Seems like a good enough idea, a giant bird man. Looking at Sauron you can tell somebody wanted to make the next “animal/power” man but failed horrible. Looking back at his origins, we find that Sauron really did have no good reason to exist! Originally planned as a werewolf, the Comic Code Authority in all their wisdom decided to ban werewolves as a valid topic for wholesome comics.

This presented a problem for creators Roy Thomas and Neal Adams as they already worked out a name for their new character, Karl Lykos. Not one to let a good lycanthropy pun go to waste, they decided Karl would transform into a giant bird man, a dinosaur bird to be exact. So young Karl got his powers the way everyone did back then, a radioactive mutant pterodactyl bit him. So naturally this gave him the powers of a vampire, but because of that pesky comic code, he sucked out life force instead of blood.

Not letting this stop him from having a good career, Karl went to school and became a physician, a geneticist and a hypnotherapist. Why hypnotherapy? Apparently the first two didn’t help him get laid enough. Never mind how hard it is to find a school willing to teach you all three at once, he just did it because he had to. It makes no sense if a stupid person changes into a stupid monster, where is the fun in that?

As a gifted physio-geneti-capist, he decided to help people with hypnosis and also take a bit of their life energy as payment. On the whole he led a pretty average life, that is until he met his first mutant. Seems whenever he touches a mutant and takes their life force he, of course, changes into a giant pterodactyl man. Having been a doctor and most likely a nerd who had to hypnotize people to be around them, he loved to read and actually named his cool new monster self Sauron after the Lord of the Rings. Also today people with no lives will tell you that was a nod to some Latin term for lizards.

That's the stupid toy I remember

Parts of his story get sketchy here, if you are like me, your main reason for even knowing this bird brain is because he was in the X-Men cartoon and you probably got stuck with his worthless “action” figure at some point in your life. Just looking at him on a shelf next to the other actual bad guys makes me angry. He doesn’t even look like he could punch anyone, how can you with wings attached to your arms? He has bat flaps, not like cool angel wings. They probably wanted to call him Batman, but those jerks at DC already took Man-Bat.

So after touching a Mutant for the first time (wasn’t anything sexy, he touched Havok) he goes insane and turns into Sauron. Yeah, he tries to take over the Savage Land, but look at it; it is nothing but savage monsters! Let him have the Savage Land with all the other reject monsters. You can’t even get there unless you have super powers or a cool jet like the X-Men. Once he stops feeding on mutants (maybe a deserted island with monsters would be a good place for him to cool his jets) he turns back into a pretty good doctor with a side degree in possibly hypnotizing young ladies out of their clothes. If you leave him alone, he stops being a problem! He doesn’t even want to exist!

Having been left alone for awhile he reverts back to him human form and I guess he runs a little doctor shop in the jungles of the Savage Land until Toad from the Brotherhood of Mutants stops by. Again, for some stupid reason Toad has a device (who the fuck would make this thing? Why would they make it? Why would Toad have it?) that can force him to use his powers. Their angle? They want to use Karl’s hot girlfriend to jump start his transformation to Sauron in a ploy to make him join their gang. Their gang of mutants. Sauron isn’t even a mutant. So they kill his woman, and put her life force through the machine and into him, causing him to turn into his bird self without the need of a mutant. This stunning plan works perfectly and Sauron joins the Brotherhood of Mutants to pester and slightly annoy the X-Men when no real monsters are around.

Nope, still stupid

Sauron is always, and easily, beaten. He went away and hid for much of the 80s and sadly made a come back in the dark ages of Comics, the 90s. X-Force and a bunch of other people did their best to make a green skinny man with wings seem like a problem, they gave him new powers, they let him kill another super hero dork who shouldn’t have had powers, they even killed him off (as dead as you can get in a comic at least) and nothing could seem to make people care about this guy. The simple answer is nobody. Nobody should care about this guy. He shouldn’t exist.

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Categories: Comics, Featured


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  1. [tlr] says:

    LOL!!! hilarious.

    Great article.

    [tlr]

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